your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
