"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Congratulations! We have a period
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