He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
