the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
