I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
