you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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