She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
