You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
