I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
