just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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