I heard we made out
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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