i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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