i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
