we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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