if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize