i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
