oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
