Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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