jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
