life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
