Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize