Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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