dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
