Me. At least after what I've been through.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
