He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
