yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize