I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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