I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
