Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
