Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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