I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
