I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
