So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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