The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I supernannyed him into submission
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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