It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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