FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You left your phone here
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