so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
