woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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