Me. At least after what I've been through.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize