I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
