just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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