this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize