Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
