im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
