Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize