I wanna bring you to show and tell
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
