she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
not ubering you a puppy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
