my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize