fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
