That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize