I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
