so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My balls are so social today.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
