Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
