Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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