I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
