i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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