A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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