the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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