He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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