I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
