Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
