We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
