The maid of honor just puked.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You dont lie about slip and slides
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Randomize
