Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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