Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
