Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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