Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
