Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
