Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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