So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
