We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
