dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize