hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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