Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
