I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Life is so much better after having sex.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize