"it" just moved
someone owes me an orgasm
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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