Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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