I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I need to calm my uterus...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
