You're my little dorito
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
