have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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