A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have aggressive nipples.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
