I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
