Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
