I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
