Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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